Tuesday, April 26, 2011

General Westmoreland Writes That He is Deeply Distressed

For those that didn't know, my father was a writer, a journalist a reporter. I personally think a very good one and others have agreed. People much more qualified than me and less biased than me. Something I've noticed over the years of reading his articles is that, while all of his writing was wonderful, I could always tell when a subject was near and dear to his heart. You could feel his passion in the way he weaved the words so that they would really touch you and move you and cause you to feel what he was trying to paint with the written word.

The following is an example. I was typing all his articles for him so he could put them in book form and I remember typing this one - it stood out amoung many and I remember crying as I typed it over 13 years ago:

General Westmoreland Writes That He is 'Deeply Distressed'

By William Gordon

The earliest photo in the family album shows him as a youngster holding a pet skunk on the summery lawn of his backyard.
There are more formal shots of him, too, portraits. He has a very wide grin, a boyish, ingratiating grin, just a bit mischievous. It's obvious from these that he's all boy.
Ohter pictures show him growing up; nothing formal, just routine snapshots, the kind everybody has of their kids. He looks a bit gangly in these. Never had much weight on his bones. There's one snap of him playing with his dog.
Then there is a long photographic gap. It was as if he was too busy in his adolescence to stop for the camera. These were his best years, his happy, running, swimming, playing years.
After that you find him suddenly in the uniform of the U.S. Army. He has finished basic training at Ft. Dix and the official Army photo of him is just like all those you have seen of your brothers and sons--unsmiling, military cap pulled down over his eyes, his blouse looking as if it had just come off the shelf at Supply.


Looks a Bit Pale

He looks a bit pale in this picture, prematurely serious, a trifle lost in the strange new world of the Army.
Then he is Airborne. And the black-and-white photo of him at the training camp shows a striking change. He's tanned, deeply, and more mature looking. He is sitting on the barracks steps holding a grease-gun. His look is not grim. It's just settled.
Tucked beneath the plastic folds of the album is his personal history recorded on an Army form. It says that his very first job was jerking sodas in his hometown icre cream emporium.
A long interlude puts him in Vietnam. He performs well and comes home safely after his tour.
The next snaps, in color, show him at home on furlough. He is tanding on the lawn again. It is summer. He is in khaki. He is unsmiling in most of the pictures. But in one he has his arm around a pretty blonde girl in Bermuda shorts. In this one he has a trace of a grin on his young face. He is 19.
There is a mimeographed letter on the next page -- the kind the Army wiseacres put out, alerting parents to the return of their son from Vietnam.
"Humor him upon his return," the letter says. "Be sure to lock him up at the first sign of rain as he mnight grab his soap and run nude into the front yard." This being the only way to shower in Vietnam.


Checking for Mines


"Don't get angry if he starts poking around in the flower bed and digging jup the front yard. He's just checking for booby traps and land mines." It goes on like this at length.

The Army sends him to Germany. He spends six months there struggling all the time to get back to Vietnam. He writes letters to high places and finally gets his wish.


While back home on furlough again, all his friends tgry to talk him out of it. He'll have none of it. He is drawn to teh war as a nail to a magnet.

He is back in Vietnam. The next document in the album is a letter of recommendation from his company commander. "He is a man who knows what to do, how to do it, and he gets it done," he said. "His morale, appearance and attitude are beyond reproach."

That was in June. Months pass. Then comes a telegram. "The Secretary of the Army has asked me to express deep regret that your son died in Vietnam as the result of gunshot wounds received while on combat operations when hit by hostile automatic weapons fire. Please accept my deepest sympathy."

This came in the fall. Another telegram followed, giving the local funeral home instructions to pick up the casket.


Presidents Wire


The President of the United States writes, "I have learned with deep regret...."


Gen. W.C. Westmoreland writes that he is "deeply distressed."


Gov. Hughes expresses "heartfelt sympathy." He goes on to say that "the people of New Jersey realize that they owe an unpayable debt of gratitude for the great sacrifices your son has made for his country and in the cause of freedom."

There are elogquent letters from generals, from New Jersey senators and congressmen --"Distressing"..."there is no more poignant grief..."


The captain of the soldier's company writes: "Your son was killed instantly in the first few seconds of contact with the enemy while on a search and destroy mission." This letter, too, goes under the plastic in the black album.

The family is disbelieving. They do not think their boy died this way. Dead, yes, but not this way. And they are proven right.

A month goes by and the company commander writes again. "After investigation of the battle, the study revealed that we sent some erroneous information to you... We found that your son did not succumb in the initial burst of enemy fire. But rather, he fought fiercely against an overwhelming enemy force for a period of 30 minutes which allowed the remainder of his comrades to escape an otherwise hopeless situation."

And a week ago, another letter came from the U.S. Army adjutant in Washington. "I have the honor to inform you," he said, "that your son has been awarded posthumously the Bronze Star Medal with First Oak Leaf Cluster for heroism."


Other Documents


There are other documents and articles in the album which the family wants to serve as a memorial for the soldier. There is a letter sent to him in a pink evelope from his sister. It's stamped in red ink "Verified Deceased, Return to Sender."

And there are the boy's shoulder patches and insignias, Christmas cards he sent, newspaper clippings reporting hsi death, and sundry other momentoes of a boy who died at 20.

But what stands out is the cold-looking Army document announcing his death and the diffident-looking photos of him playing with his dog on the lawn of his home in the summer, with the leaves all green and young behind him.


Thursday, April 14, 2011

All my love, Dad

It's been a little over 3 months since my dear father passed away, and the pain over losing him has intensified over time. I'm not certain if I was in shock for a period after his death...it was so sudden, but I can say with certainty that not a day goes by that I don't miss him terribly.
My family has some difficult decisions to make regarding his estate and we will be gathering during the Easter weekend to discuss some of these decisions, one of which is what to do with the house we grew up in. While I love the house, it's the home I truly loved. It's what my father created and how he was the anchor and now the anchor is not on this earth and we are just floundering around trying to make sense of how we feel in the aftermath of his loss. I can only speculate how my other siblings feel based on what I feel, but it is incredible grief that comes in gut wrenching waves, when it repeatedly dawns on me that he's not here and won't be coming back. I'm pretty certain my siblings are going through similar experiences and I am so sad for all of us.
As part of the decision making process, my sister Katherine, who is the Executor of the Estate, ran through some of the numbers with each one of us individually so that we could come to the table somewhat prepared. With me, she went over all the accounting on the phone, while I reviewed a spreadsheet that she meticulously prepared. What she might not have realized was that I was crying while we were reviewing the numbers....I was looking at these numbers and thinking that this is not my Dad, this is not what he was all about. He was an incredible father, human being, with human flaws -very few and he wore them humbly. There is nothing he would not do for his children, nothing. If I asked him for his arm, he would have replied, "how much do you need darlin?" I'm sure if you asked any of my siblings they would agree.
We are our father's legacy. Everything he believed and what his life exemplified, is in us all. It was always Dad holding us all together and now it needs to be each of us holding each other up and trying to do right. This is what he would have wanted us to do. We as a family have a very important decision to make that transcends numbers and property, it is, what I believe,our father's last wish. That as a a family, if one of us is in trouble we ask in one voice, together "how much do you need darlin?" When all is said and done and the numbers are gone, the property divided we only have left the decisions we made and our own personal knowledge as to whether or not the decision was the right one.
I believe my father is here with me and with my brother and sisters...I feel him all around me and my hope is that someday, I can be a quarter of the person he was, a little more selfless, humble, decent, and to be the parent to my children the way he was a parent to each one of us up to the very end of his spectacular life.
Thank you Dad for everything you have given me and continue to give me. You will live on in each one of us and your messages will continually surface throughout my life to my very last breath. I hope I make you proud and smile in heaven and say in your soothing voice that has calmed me too many times to mention during my life, "that-a-girl Mary".
I love you Pop.

Friday, January 21, 2011

My Fathers Daughter

I was driving home from work today thinking about what a crazy couple of weeks I had and thinking to myself that I have to call my Dad and fill him in on all the things that have been going on.

I would tell him that Gabby is healing fine from her gallbladder surgery and we can just put that behind us, but she missed so much school and there is a lot of school work to catch up on. We were in touch with the guidance counselor and she has been a huge help in rallying the teachers so Gabby doesn't get to anxious about how behind she is. I would tell him that me and Matt were doing everything we could to get her caught up.

I would see how he is doing with all this snow and I'd ask him what he's reading. I love to hear him talk about the books he's reading because it makes me want to run out and get a copy of the book. Or he might tell me what he's been up to, going out with his lady friend, projects around the house - we might even touch on some of the latest political news which always makes for interesting conversation.

I thought, I have to tell him what happened to my Dad and how my whole world just crumbled and everything else that was going on just didn't matter. My dear father passed away and I am walking around lost and I'm not sure what to do. I want to scream so he can hear me. Scream and cry until I'm so tired I just sleep and forget it all and then when I wake up it's all just a horrible dream. I can't tell him this, because it is him that has left this world and left a void that I wonder if it can ever be filled and will I ever feel normal? I'm driving home and when it dawns on me I can't call him and I'll never be able to call him again. I can't catch my breath because the loss is overwhelming and I'm scared and I'm so incredibly sad. I'm a grown woman with my own family and I just want my Dad... It was so nice to talk to him every weekend and I look forward to our phone calls. It was never considered an obligation....it was a pleasure and I looked forward to our conversations. I always hung up feeling loved no matter what and I left with some bit of knowledge that he gave me.

As time goes by I believe I will be ok. All of us will be alright because my father lives in us all. I might not be able to talk to him on the phone but I will be talking to him all the time. I will constantly ask him what he would do to be sure I am doing the right thing.

I remember one day a long time ago, sitting on his bed having one of our chats and I asked him about his father. "Hey Pop, what was your Dad like?" He looked down in a very thoughtful way and when he looked up his eyes were watery and he shook his head and said, " He was a great man. A great man.." I think I now know how he felt at that moment...to think the world of someone and to lose them.....

Someday if my kids ask me what Pop Pop was like I know I will tell them the same thing. "He was a great man, a great man".