I've run out of books to read and desperately need more, but that would require a trip to either Barnes & Noble and I'd need money for that or our local free Library, which in my case also requires money, because I'm a chronic late returner of books. Why I continually return books late, I have no idea and as more time goes by, it gets worse until I dress in all black, drive to the library at midnight to drop my books in the book drop knowing eventually I'll have to go back and pay the fine. Either that, or I send my kids in to face the wrath of the librarian.
So, I've decided to read the Constitution of these here United States of America. I'm not clear why, but I'm hoping it becomes clear as I stumble through. As a bonus, I am going to share my thoughts on what our founding fathers compiled on crinkly parchment paper - did the crinkly parchment thing happen over time with age? Was the paper crisp and white at the time of the writing? Did a founding father spill his tea on the document? All very interesting questions, at least to me and I'm quite certain some scholar out there knows the answers.
I'll start with the Preamble, 0f course. In 1787 what do you think they meant by "We the People"? I've given it some thought. Picture a bunch of white guys in nickers and wigs, stooped over small wooden desks with quill pens...writing down, "We the People". Who do you think they meant? Did they envision that in the not so distant future it would include black people, women? I'm inclined to say no...they probably thought that it would always mean fairly well-to-do white men, who owned land. I'm pretty sure their wigs would go limp if they knew that now everyone is included in the whole "We the People" thing. To their credit, sometimes being vague works out for the best - leaves things open for improvement or interpretation. Bet those guys would have killed for a computer back then...the editing process must have been a royal pain in the knickers and I'm guessing there was no such thing as home keys back then and they probably would have killed for some whiteout. They would have had to get one of their wives, who don't fall under the category of "People" to type the damm thing all the while glaring at these silly white dudes in knickers.
The rest of the Preamble seems pretty clear; however, at some point or other in our history I do believe all have been put to the test. Perfect union, establish Justice, insure domestic tranquility, provide for the common defense, general welfare, blah, blah, blah. All really good stuff and let's keep in mind this is just the opening remarks to the actual Constitution of These Here United States of Americas - God I love saying that - makes me giggle. What I did learn in reading this fine document, is that you can't file a lawsuit based on the Preamble. 1905 Jacobson v. Massachusetts. Mr. Jacobson, or let's call him Henning, apparently was afraid of shots - big baby, and didn't want to get his Small Pox vaccination, but rather than admit to his fears, Henning claimed his liberty was violated, boo hoo. Come on really, it's not like they were going to give him the shot in his arse...actually I'm not sure on that one, it might have been the way that shot was given, in which case, I would agree that his "liberty" had been violated. Any whoo the Supreme Court also thought he was a bit of a baby and needed to man up and get his shot and I'm sure they were thinking of the greater good. Oooh, wouldn't that fall under either "common defense" or "promoting the general welfare"? The Supreme Court said (another bunch of white guys but wearing black robes - scary) that the Preamble is just a wish list, it's not the end all. Duh...good try though Henning. Bet you he was real grateful when he didn't get small pox. I hear tell it's nasty.
Sunday, September 27, 2009
Friday, September 11, 2009
Recycling is a good thing
Once again, I'm recycling an email sent to my dear eldest sibling... again, this is how it all started (blogging). I was writing my crazy rambling thoughts to her and not the other siblings, who started to feel left out. The blog thing keeps everyone in the loop as to how crazy I really am.
Dear Jeanette,
Ok as promised, here is yet another fun filled experience at the Doctor’s office. Sort of like an amusement park with wild rides & games, but not really.
It was my trial day at our outer office to see if I would like it and could make my decision based on that, which to be honest, my mind was made up when I realized 20min commute vs. 1 hour….. the math says it all. However, on a day where anyone would want to make a good impression with their potential new co-workers, I had an abscess that went bad. Similar to a “drug deal gone bad” but without all the shooting and DEA officers in full swat gear barreling at you with tazers. To be honest though, if you ever had an abscess gone bad, DEA officers pinning you to the ground with their knees and shooting you full of electricity would have been a welcome relief from the pain & discomfort of an abscess. When I say it went bad, it went beyond one tooth to the whole left side of my face, into my sinus cavity and pressing up against my nose, and inflated the left side of my face like I had wads and wads of cotton, or a whole roll of bath tissue stuck in there. It was extremely painful and I couldn’t take enough ibuprofen without the threat of dialysis. Then there was the whole appearance thing…. I had to try & style my hair to cover the alien growing in my mouth and working it’s way to my brain for the final take over. My soon to be, new co-workers were very nice though and didn’t say anything like “Holy crap, what’s wrong with your face?”.
I managed to get through the day and decided it was time to seek medical assistance. Some might say that I should have gone at the very first sign of an abscess and they have, but let me explain. I thought the not so little bugger was going away what with the baking soda rinses, and bacteria killing mouthwash treatments, but I woke up to find the bacteria were merely resting for the ultimate take over. While I dozed, they got busy and I woke up with the whole swollen face thing. I went the local Medi Care office as they have something of a file on me and don’t require an appointment which was clearly evident when I walked in the place and couldn’t find a seat. So I checked in and settled down to watch some TV. When the receptionist called me over, I thought I must be a pretty big deal to get in before everyone else, but NO, she just wanted to verify my insurance information. When I asked her how long the wait was she told me about 1 ½ hours!! I was going to leave, but the pain kept me there. So I sat back down and decided I’ll just relax and watch some TV. There was a lady sitting with her husband, boyfriend, partner, whatever, who I believe had some nasty airborne disease that we thought we eradicated years ago, but not so much, because she sounded HORRIBLE!! Great, I come here with an abscess and leave with typhoid or TB. Sharing is caring. If the DR. came out and called my name, I had already planned on insisting they take her first, or better yet, let’s dial 911 and get this poor soul to the ER – than we can start the process of sealing off the building and contacting the CDC to come in to quarantine us all. Finally, after about an 1 ½ hours…by the way, that receptionist is good, they called my name. I went into the exam room sat up on the crinkly paper stuff (I swear one of these days I’m just going to doodle all over it) and waited, and waited, and waited…. Started playing with the instruments and thought briefly about lying back and taking a quick nap. About ½ hour later, the Dr. came in… he could have been a mechanic at this point – anything, just get rid of it and let me go home before I gnaw my own arm off out of hunger. The usual “So, what brings you here today?”. Times like these I’d love to mess around and just say, I have a hemorrhoid…. Duh. I explained, “I haf an infecsion im my mouf”. He being a Doctor of Internal Medicine with a degree from some Medical School and all that neat stuff Dr's have, wisely said, “why yes, I can see that.” Hey, how bout you can hear it too? Picture this though…he’s standing across the room from me like he was afraid to get to close. He’s probably thinking, the thing im my mouf is going to blow any minute spewing abcessesy liquid all over his sparkly white lab coat and name tag. Then I’m sure the Dr. in him kicked in and being I waited out in the waiting room with Whooping cough lady for an hour and half, he probably should take a look at the beast. So he meanders over to the extreme left side of the exam table and grabs the little flashlighty thing on the wall (I was playing with that before he came in) and asks me to open up – standing back as far as he possible could while pointing the light in the general direction of my face….”hmmm yes, it’s an abscess”…than scurries back over to the “safe” side of the room and grabs his prescription pad probably thinking he can use it as a shield if Mt. Saint Abscess erupts. He writes me the strongest prescription of antibiotic I have ever had….to be frank I didn’t know they came in doses that strong and warned me several times to eat before taking. Great, I can’t eat right now, so I’ll have to drive to Friendly’s and bulk up on a Fribble. I think he did that to prevent me from having to come back at all because I apparently frightened him. Boy, what was he like as an intern? Big baby. I was probably in there for all about 7 minutes and couldn’t wait to get the hell out of there and away from Lung Flung lady, who was in the exam room next to mine spreading what ever airborne illness she had.
The end of the story is…the abscess is gone. I need to make an appointment for the dentist, but I really don’t want to. I’m thinking of moving to a deserted Island where I could say, I can’t go to the Dentist because there aren’t any. So there. But then again, who would I say anything to being it is a deserted Island? Huh HA, I don’t have to answer to anyone! Unless of course I have a volley ball with a face drawn on it and a tuff of hair poking out the top and it was my bestest friend in the whole world…quick, what movie was that?
Love,Mary
Dear Jeanette,
Ok as promised, here is yet another fun filled experience at the Doctor’s office. Sort of like an amusement park with wild rides & games, but not really.
It was my trial day at our outer office to see if I would like it and could make my decision based on that, which to be honest, my mind was made up when I realized 20min commute vs. 1 hour….. the math says it all. However, on a day where anyone would want to make a good impression with their potential new co-workers, I had an abscess that went bad. Similar to a “drug deal gone bad” but without all the shooting and DEA officers in full swat gear barreling at you with tazers. To be honest though, if you ever had an abscess gone bad, DEA officers pinning you to the ground with their knees and shooting you full of electricity would have been a welcome relief from the pain & discomfort of an abscess. When I say it went bad, it went beyond one tooth to the whole left side of my face, into my sinus cavity and pressing up against my nose, and inflated the left side of my face like I had wads and wads of cotton, or a whole roll of bath tissue stuck in there. It was extremely painful and I couldn’t take enough ibuprofen without the threat of dialysis. Then there was the whole appearance thing…. I had to try & style my hair to cover the alien growing in my mouth and working it’s way to my brain for the final take over. My soon to be, new co-workers were very nice though and didn’t say anything like “Holy crap, what’s wrong with your face?”.
I managed to get through the day and decided it was time to seek medical assistance. Some might say that I should have gone at the very first sign of an abscess and they have, but let me explain. I thought the not so little bugger was going away what with the baking soda rinses, and bacteria killing mouthwash treatments, but I woke up to find the bacteria were merely resting for the ultimate take over. While I dozed, they got busy and I woke up with the whole swollen face thing. I went the local Medi Care office as they have something of a file on me and don’t require an appointment which was clearly evident when I walked in the place and couldn’t find a seat. So I checked in and settled down to watch some TV. When the receptionist called me over, I thought I must be a pretty big deal to get in before everyone else, but NO, she just wanted to verify my insurance information. When I asked her how long the wait was she told me about 1 ½ hours!! I was going to leave, but the pain kept me there. So I sat back down and decided I’ll just relax and watch some TV. There was a lady sitting with her husband, boyfriend, partner, whatever, who I believe had some nasty airborne disease that we thought we eradicated years ago, but not so much, because she sounded HORRIBLE!! Great, I come here with an abscess and leave with typhoid or TB. Sharing is caring. If the DR. came out and called my name, I had already planned on insisting they take her first, or better yet, let’s dial 911 and get this poor soul to the ER – than we can start the process of sealing off the building and contacting the CDC to come in to quarantine us all. Finally, after about an 1 ½ hours…by the way, that receptionist is good, they called my name. I went into the exam room sat up on the crinkly paper stuff (I swear one of these days I’m just going to doodle all over it) and waited, and waited, and waited…. Started playing with the instruments and thought briefly about lying back and taking a quick nap. About ½ hour later, the Dr. came in… he could have been a mechanic at this point – anything, just get rid of it and let me go home before I gnaw my own arm off out of hunger. The usual “So, what brings you here today?”. Times like these I’d love to mess around and just say, I have a hemorrhoid…. Duh. I explained, “I haf an infecsion im my mouf”. He being a Doctor of Internal Medicine with a degree from some Medical School and all that neat stuff Dr's have, wisely said, “why yes, I can see that.” Hey, how bout you can hear it too? Picture this though…he’s standing across the room from me like he was afraid to get to close. He’s probably thinking, the thing im my mouf is going to blow any minute spewing abcessesy liquid all over his sparkly white lab coat and name tag. Then I’m sure the Dr. in him kicked in and being I waited out in the waiting room with Whooping cough lady for an hour and half, he probably should take a look at the beast. So he meanders over to the extreme left side of the exam table and grabs the little flashlighty thing on the wall (I was playing with that before he came in) and asks me to open up – standing back as far as he possible could while pointing the light in the general direction of my face….”hmmm yes, it’s an abscess”…than scurries back over to the “safe” side of the room and grabs his prescription pad probably thinking he can use it as a shield if Mt. Saint Abscess erupts. He writes me the strongest prescription of antibiotic I have ever had….to be frank I didn’t know they came in doses that strong and warned me several times to eat before taking. Great, I can’t eat right now, so I’ll have to drive to Friendly’s and bulk up on a Fribble. I think he did that to prevent me from having to come back at all because I apparently frightened him. Boy, what was he like as an intern? Big baby. I was probably in there for all about 7 minutes and couldn’t wait to get the hell out of there and away from Lung Flung lady, who was in the exam room next to mine spreading what ever airborne illness she had.
The end of the story is…the abscess is gone. I need to make an appointment for the dentist, but I really don’t want to. I’m thinking of moving to a deserted Island where I could say, I can’t go to the Dentist because there aren’t any. So there. But then again, who would I say anything to being it is a deserted Island? Huh HA, I don’t have to answer to anyone! Unless of course I have a volley ball with a face drawn on it and a tuff of hair poking out the top and it was my bestest friend in the whole world…quick, what movie was that?
Love,Mary
Sunday, September 6, 2009
At a loss...
My sister Jeanette (my eldest sibling) said that I could recycle some old emails I had sent to her to use on my blog. Truth be told, her emails are the beginning of all of this... me, late at night and feeling really punchy sending her an email on various events in my life, most of which I find hysterical. The email I'll be sharing tonight is one sent a little over a year ago when I attended a banquet my sister Leigh (second to youngest sibling) was going to for a weight loss contest she had entered. There is a lead into the weight loss banquet, so be patient...and forgiving? Without further adieu....
Dear Jeanette,
I came up stairs to clean the cat litter and the poop that doesn’t make it to the litter pans (Massie), and thought I’d check to see if you wrote back…and walla you did! Yeah me! So that cat litter is not being changed at this very moment, but I am writing an email to you (my favorite but don’t tell the others).
I just found out I’m a generation Xer. Who knew? I certainly did not. Love it when people label me and lump me in with a bunch of other people. What are you? Generation x or baby boomer? What does the X stand for? Excess? That would be appropriate. I’m all for killing off the baby boomers to solve our Social Security problem. Or better yet, send them over to Iraq to relieve the soldiers there and those who emerge from the war intact….can continue to collect. I hope you know I’m kidding….. I’m not that twisted…well, OK maybe I am.
I went to a weight loss banquet with Leigh on Thursday. It was the end of a competition that all the gyms in this area were having. They broke people up into age categories, 18 – 28, 29- 39, 40 – 48 and the baby boomers (ha, ha). They took before photo’s and then the final photo for judging. In-between these people had to lose weight, tone up, buff up, etc and were judged on their final photo and an essay. Leigh lost something like 35 pounds and 5 inches and it was noticeable in her photo. She looked much more toned and her waste shoulders and arms were leaner. I was so impressed and so proud of her. So when you hear banquet you think lots of food right? No. Wrong. I was hoping for a buffet, because I love them and if you prepare and bring zip locks you can feed your family for a week. They passed around appetizers on a tray…sushi, fruit kabobs?, cheese ham & tom kabobs (all about 1 inch in length and a diameter of about ½ an inch. I made the mistake of asking when the cocktail weenies were coming out. The scathing looks I received! You would think I asked for crack! To save myself, I suggested soy cocktail weenies wrapped in whole wheat..yeah I gagged too. The waiter came around with meatballs with tomato sauce on a tray with tooth picks stuck into the meat balls. Keep in mind, we had NO plates, just napkins in which to eat off of. When the guy came around with the meatballs, I asked it I could have some pasta to go with mine. Again, dirty look, walk off to serve the meatballs to the starving masses just grateful for something to eat. I had to go to the rest room, and passed the bar….boy these people can drink or maybe drinking takes their minds off the fact that they are starving and every muscle in their bodies is screaming to be left alone? I was in the bathroom and they had those new fangeld sinks & paper towel dispensers that have sensors…either my body is not emitting any heat whatsoever and the machine doesn’t know I’m there waiting to wash & dry or it’s a big joke on me. I’m trying to get a paper towel to dry with and it just wasn’t working. I mumbled to the girl in the bathroom that I hated those things and I’d be better off running around the bathroom flailing my hands in order to dry them. It was either that or toilet paper and I had an idea how that would work out…I’d be picking bits o’ toilet paper off my hands the rest of the evening. I went with flailing. Seemed like the best choice at the time not to mention, good exercise.
After all the awards were handed out, Leigh didn’t win anything, but she really did. She looked great, you could tell she felt great and she is going to keep it up! She was a winner without a doubt that night and if I had an award to give her, I would have. Any way, we were saying our goodbyes to the people at our table and I yelled to them as they were walking away…”See you at McDonalds”… the looks! The glares! Almost as if I screamed “Fried Chicken with mashed & gravy and some Cheese Cake” which sounds like it would have been fun, but only if I made it out alive. It’s all fun & games until they have to call an ambulance, or the swat team. I think Leigh was glad I was there. Cuz I’m just so much fun.
Gotta go change cat litter now. Enjoy your Sunday!
Love,
Mary
Dear Jeanette,
I came up stairs to clean the cat litter and the poop that doesn’t make it to the litter pans (Massie), and thought I’d check to see if you wrote back…and walla you did! Yeah me! So that cat litter is not being changed at this very moment, but I am writing an email to you (my favorite but don’t tell the others).
I just found out I’m a generation Xer. Who knew? I certainly did not. Love it when people label me and lump me in with a bunch of other people. What are you? Generation x or baby boomer? What does the X stand for? Excess? That would be appropriate. I’m all for killing off the baby boomers to solve our Social Security problem. Or better yet, send them over to Iraq to relieve the soldiers there and those who emerge from the war intact….can continue to collect. I hope you know I’m kidding….. I’m not that twisted…well, OK maybe I am.
I went to a weight loss banquet with Leigh on Thursday. It was the end of a competition that all the gyms in this area were having. They broke people up into age categories, 18 – 28, 29- 39, 40 – 48 and the baby boomers (ha, ha). They took before photo’s and then the final photo for judging. In-between these people had to lose weight, tone up, buff up, etc and were judged on their final photo and an essay. Leigh lost something like 35 pounds and 5 inches and it was noticeable in her photo. She looked much more toned and her waste shoulders and arms were leaner. I was so impressed and so proud of her. So when you hear banquet you think lots of food right? No. Wrong. I was hoping for a buffet, because I love them and if you prepare and bring zip locks you can feed your family for a week. They passed around appetizers on a tray…sushi, fruit kabobs?, cheese ham & tom kabobs (all about 1 inch in length and a diameter of about ½ an inch. I made the mistake of asking when the cocktail weenies were coming out. The scathing looks I received! You would think I asked for crack! To save myself, I suggested soy cocktail weenies wrapped in whole wheat..yeah I gagged too. The waiter came around with meatballs with tomato sauce on a tray with tooth picks stuck into the meat balls. Keep in mind, we had NO plates, just napkins in which to eat off of. When the guy came around with the meatballs, I asked it I could have some pasta to go with mine. Again, dirty look, walk off to serve the meatballs to the starving masses just grateful for something to eat. I had to go to the rest room, and passed the bar….boy these people can drink or maybe drinking takes their minds off the fact that they are starving and every muscle in their bodies is screaming to be left alone? I was in the bathroom and they had those new fangeld sinks & paper towel dispensers that have sensors…either my body is not emitting any heat whatsoever and the machine doesn’t know I’m there waiting to wash & dry or it’s a big joke on me. I’m trying to get a paper towel to dry with and it just wasn’t working. I mumbled to the girl in the bathroom that I hated those things and I’d be better off running around the bathroom flailing my hands in order to dry them. It was either that or toilet paper and I had an idea how that would work out…I’d be picking bits o’ toilet paper off my hands the rest of the evening. I went with flailing. Seemed like the best choice at the time not to mention, good exercise.
After all the awards were handed out, Leigh didn’t win anything, but she really did. She looked great, you could tell she felt great and she is going to keep it up! She was a winner without a doubt that night and if I had an award to give her, I would have. Any way, we were saying our goodbyes to the people at our table and I yelled to them as they were walking away…”See you at McDonalds”… the looks! The glares! Almost as if I screamed “Fried Chicken with mashed & gravy and some Cheese Cake” which sounds like it would have been fun, but only if I made it out alive. It’s all fun & games until they have to call an ambulance, or the swat team. I think Leigh was glad I was there. Cuz I’m just so much fun.
Gotta go change cat litter now. Enjoy your Sunday!
Love,
Mary
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