At a loss...

My sister Jeanette (my eldest sibling) said that I could recycle some old emails I had sent to her to use on my blog. Truth be told, her emails are the beginning of all of this... me, late at night and feeling really punchy sending her an email on various events in my life, most of which I find hysterical. The email I'll be sharing tonight is one sent a little over a year ago when I attended a banquet my sister Leigh (second to youngest sibling) was going to for a weight loss contest she had entered. There is a lead into the weight loss banquet, so be patient...and forgiving? Without further adieu....

Dear Jeanette,
I came up stairs to clean the cat litter and the poop that doesn’t make it to the litter pans (Massie), and thought I’d check to see if you wrote back…and walla you did! Yeah me! So that cat litter is not being changed at this very moment, but I am writing an email to you (my favorite but don’t tell the others).

I just found out I’m a generation Xer. Who knew? I certainly did not. Love it when people label me and lump me in with a bunch of other people. What are you? Generation x or baby boomer? What does the X stand for? Excess? That would be appropriate. I’m all for killing off the baby boomers to solve our Social Security problem. Or better yet, send them over to Iraq to relieve the soldiers there and those who emerge from the war intact….can continue to collect. I hope you know I’m kidding….. I’m not that twisted…well, OK maybe I am.

I went to a weight loss banquet with Leigh on Thursday. It was the end of a competition that all the gyms in this area were having. They broke people up into age categories, 18 – 28, 29- 39, 40 – 48 and the baby boomers (ha, ha). They took before photo’s and then the final photo for judging. In-between these people had to lose weight, tone up, buff up, etc and were judged on their final photo and an essay. Leigh lost something like 35 pounds and 5 inches and it was noticeable in her photo. She looked much more toned and her waste shoulders and arms were leaner. I was so impressed and so proud of her. So when you hear banquet you think lots of food right? No. Wrong. I was hoping for a buffet, because I love them and if you prepare and bring zip locks you can feed your family for a week. They passed around appetizers on a tray…sushi, fruit kabobs?, cheese ham & tom kabobs (all about 1 inch in length and a diameter of about ½ an inch. I made the mistake of asking when the cocktail weenies were coming out. The scathing looks I received! You would think I asked for crack! To save myself, I suggested soy cocktail weenies wrapped in whole wheat..yeah I gagged too. The waiter came around with meatballs with tomato sauce on a tray with tooth picks stuck into the meat balls. Keep in mind, we had NO plates, just napkins in which to eat off of. When the guy came around with the meatballs, I asked it I could have some pasta to go with mine. Again, dirty look, walk off to serve the meatballs to the starving masses just grateful for something to eat. I had to go to the rest room, and passed the bar….boy these people can drink or maybe drinking takes their minds off the fact that they are starving and every muscle in their bodies is screaming to be left alone? I was in the bathroom and they had those new fangeld sinks & paper towel dispensers that have sensors…either my body is not emitting any heat whatsoever and the machine doesn’t know I’m there waiting to wash & dry or it’s a big joke on me. I’m trying to get a paper towel to dry with and it just wasn’t working. I mumbled to the girl in the bathroom that I hated those things and I’d be better off running around the bathroom flailing my hands in order to dry them. It was either that or toilet paper and I had an idea how that would work out…I’d be picking bits o’ toilet paper off my hands the rest of the evening. I went with flailing. Seemed like the best choice at the time not to mention, good exercise.

After all the awards were handed out, Leigh didn’t win anything, but she really did. She looked great, you could tell she felt great and she is going to keep it up! She was a winner without a doubt that night and if I had an award to give her, I would have. Any way, we were saying our goodbyes to the people at our table and I yelled to them as they were walking away…”See you at McDonalds”… the looks! The glares! Almost as if I screamed “Fried Chicken with mashed & gravy and some Cheese Cake” which sounds like it would have been fun, but only if I made it out alive. It’s all fun & games until they have to call an ambulance, or the swat team. I think Leigh was glad I was there. Cuz I’m just so much fun.

Gotta go change cat litter now. Enjoy your Sunday!

Love,
Mary