Update my friends...assuming there are friends out there? Hello! I managed to get my hair cut today and it pretty much went as expected with one slight twist. The hairdresser sat down on the coffee table across from the couch I was sitting on and asked, "What are we doing today?" I replied, "Oh I don't know, what do you think I should do?" She seemed thrown off by that, and I continued, "maybe take a couple inches off, and I'd like it to be something easy because I pretty much just wash and go." "Oh, ok how about some long layers with bangs?", she suggested. Hey wait that's my line! I agreed only because I didn't have any sort of plan walking in there and that is my main problem, no plan. $53.00 dollars later, and it looks ok, but would look a hell of a lot better with a face lift, contacts, hair dye, some new clothes, and a BMW convertible, maybe? Oh yeah, the whole thing took about 15minutes. Not for nothing, if I'm spending $53.00, which by the way is more than my husband spends at the same place, I would like a little bells & whistles, ok? I didn't get the usual thorough hair washing with the scalp massage and let me tell you that is the best part of a hair cut! It is so relaxing! She also just used a teenie tiny dab of conditioner, and the water was cold. I guess they are cutting back with this recession and all. She tried to style it, but really just amounted hair drying. I could have achieved the same results driving at like 65 miles per hour down the Taconic parkway with my head out the window. Actually someone else would probably need to drive because the Taconic is pretty windy and I'm not real good at multi tasking.
So after my long nap with my kitty Murphy. He sleeps at the top of my head on the pillow and purrs and kneads my hair with his claws during most of the nap and for some twisted reason, I find this soothing? Insanity, doctors, committed, institutional food (read the last blog).
Yeah, so after my nap I ran to the grocery store with my son to pick up a few things for next week and some chicken for dinner tonight, I had to phone my husband to let him know the grocery store was still sold out of Metamucil. For those of you who don't know what Metamucil is, it's a fiber type powder that you scoop into orange juice or the beverage of your choice to assist you in relieving yourself. That is if you are having difficulties in that particular area. I guess my husband is having difficulty in that area.
There must of have been some sort of run on Metamucil after Thanksgiving and the store apparently can't keep up with the demand? It's kind of odd to know that all these people are having bathroom issues - they could be someone you work with, a telemarketer, a state trooper (which would explain why they always seem so grumpy). Ok, back to the story. I explained the situation, but told him they had a big jug of this stuff called Citracal. He asked if it was the same thing and I thought so, but I proceeded to read the directions on the container, but ran into a little difficulty when I started to laugh really loud right there in the store isle. The directions said that you needed to use a lot of liquid otherwise you could choke on this stuff - that's when I started to laugh and inbetween my gasps for air and laughing I warned my husband that constipation would be the least of his worries. How to get the giant glob of fibery goo out of his gullet so he could breathe again is the real issue. Moral of this story, use lots & lots of liquid and it's probably not a good idea to use wine or vodka. I personally love the side effects - "this product may cause diarrhea" Call me silly and all, but wouldn't that be a welcome side effect? Any way, I got the Citracal and I'll check with my hubby to see which is the better product and give post his rating for all to see.
Now if anyone is offended or upset with this blog, Matt, go back to the blog that is titled "To blog or not to blog" where I explain that sometimes someone might be sacrificed for the greater good. This is one such time. Thank you darlin!
Saturday, January 2, 2010
Friday, January 1, 2010
Sanity is Over-rated
It's 2010, and it's time to reflect on the past year and decide what kinds of drastic, life altering changes are going to be made for the new year. I'd like to get myself organized because as of late, I feel like my life has been spiraling out of control. I'd like to win the lotto, because that would take care of most of my major problems....but that is out of my control isn't it? Hmmm....Ironic really.
I've decided that, if I were to go insane (some might argue that I'm already there), I would want to be the sort of insane person that others find amusing. "Poor Mary, she's really lost her very last marble, but she is a crack up!" Assuming that is I can choose the sort of insane person I might become, if in fact I ever go insane. I do not want to be the sort of insane person that walks into a room and everyone else in that room runs away screaming and flailing their arms in absolute terror. What is the fun in being insane if there's no one there to enjoy it with except your make believe friends, which in your mind aren't really make believe, they are very real and can carry a stimulating conversation? Let's just remember folks, it only takes 2 doctors to have someone committed and legally they can hold you for 72 hours. Just some food for thought.
That being said, I think I'll start off by getting my hair cut tomorrow. Nothing like a new do to make you feel like your starting off fresh as a daisy. Never works out the way I plan it though. I get there and all I can manage to spit out is, "uh, take a few inches off and maybe some layers?" I walk out with basically the same cut just a bit neater & shorter. I'd also like to get my paper work in order too. No, not that kind of paper work - just clean up my file cabinet, get rid of old bills, etc. Then there is the Christmas decorations to take down. That's always fun. If I won the lotto, I could just throw everything out and buy new stuff next year.....that would be so much easier!
I'd also like to spruce up my wardrobe....again, the lotto would help with that as well. Boy oh boy I'm banking on a game that I rarely play and even if I did, the odds of winning are next to impossible - that's a fine way to start out the new year. Head stuck in the clouds dreaming of all the wonderful things I'll be able to do with the money I'm hoping to win, from a game I don't play. Nuts isn't it? 2 Doctors, remember?
It would be more realistic if I said I was going to learn how to sew and make myself a brand new wardrobe with my own two hands. Ooooh - I just got really scared. I'm envisioning long rectangular sleeves with wholes cut in for arms in various colors and patterns with sashes around the middle, all hung up in a nice neat scary row in my closet. Kind of like what you would make for your barbie doll when you are like 10. OK, never mind ...just disregard the whole sewing thing. It's really not going to happen.
I'd like to clean our basement out. OK I need to stop right there. I don't like going down there. It's cold, damp, dark and there are lots and lots of spiders not to mention mice. I think I would have to take some medication prior to tackling that little project. The only thing I am able to do down there is go directly to my little laundry nook, do my business with the washer & dryer and scurry on out of there like I'm being chased. I'd be in big, big trouble if a tornado was tearing though our town and all residents are urged to take shelter in their basements immediately. I think I would just take my chances and duct tape myself to a tree or something before I went down into our basement.
So far new year is shaping up to be about the same as the last year and I'm only one day into it - way to go Mary! Before going to get my hair cut I think I will go play the lotto. Cross your fingers!
Happy New Year!
I've decided that, if I were to go insane (some might argue that I'm already there), I would want to be the sort of insane person that others find amusing. "Poor Mary, she's really lost her very last marble, but she is a crack up!" Assuming that is I can choose the sort of insane person I might become, if in fact I ever go insane. I do not want to be the sort of insane person that walks into a room and everyone else in that room runs away screaming and flailing their arms in absolute terror. What is the fun in being insane if there's no one there to enjoy it with except your make believe friends, which in your mind aren't really make believe, they are very real and can carry a stimulating conversation? Let's just remember folks, it only takes 2 doctors to have someone committed and legally they can hold you for 72 hours. Just some food for thought.
That being said, I think I'll start off by getting my hair cut tomorrow. Nothing like a new do to make you feel like your starting off fresh as a daisy. Never works out the way I plan it though. I get there and all I can manage to spit out is, "uh, take a few inches off and maybe some layers?" I walk out with basically the same cut just a bit neater & shorter. I'd also like to get my paper work in order too. No, not that kind of paper work - just clean up my file cabinet, get rid of old bills, etc. Then there is the Christmas decorations to take down. That's always fun. If I won the lotto, I could just throw everything out and buy new stuff next year.....that would be so much easier!
I'd also like to spruce up my wardrobe....again, the lotto would help with that as well. Boy oh boy I'm banking on a game that I rarely play and even if I did, the odds of winning are next to impossible - that's a fine way to start out the new year. Head stuck in the clouds dreaming of all the wonderful things I'll be able to do with the money I'm hoping to win, from a game I don't play. Nuts isn't it? 2 Doctors, remember?
It would be more realistic if I said I was going to learn how to sew and make myself a brand new wardrobe with my own two hands. Ooooh - I just got really scared. I'm envisioning long rectangular sleeves with wholes cut in for arms in various colors and patterns with sashes around the middle, all hung up in a nice neat scary row in my closet. Kind of like what you would make for your barbie doll when you are like 10. OK, never mind ...just disregard the whole sewing thing. It's really not going to happen.
I'd like to clean our basement out. OK I need to stop right there. I don't like going down there. It's cold, damp, dark and there are lots and lots of spiders not to mention mice. I think I would have to take some medication prior to tackling that little project. The only thing I am able to do down there is go directly to my little laundry nook, do my business with the washer & dryer and scurry on out of there like I'm being chased. I'd be in big, big trouble if a tornado was tearing though our town and all residents are urged to take shelter in their basements immediately. I think I would just take my chances and duct tape myself to a tree or something before I went down into our basement.
So far new year is shaping up to be about the same as the last year and I'm only one day into it - way to go Mary! Before going to get my hair cut I think I will go play the lotto. Cross your fingers!
Happy New Year!
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