Where's the Beef?

Yet another interesting title. Could mean so many things, couldn't it? I'll tell you what it means my friends, but first we need to ask the question again to obtain the maximum impact. Where's the beef you ask? It is residing in the entire bottom half of my fridge in heavy duty zip lock bags, that's where. Now, the real burning questions is why? I keep asking myself that. Why oh why do I now have to buy quarts of milk because I can't fit a gallon jug in my fridge anymore? Why?

Well it is coming up on that oh-so-important day, the Irish and pretty much everyone else, gorge themselves on alcohol, cabbage and yes, beef. Corned beef to be exact. Frankly I think it is a pretty deadly mix and if we could some how contain the gases caused by this combination, Iran will be well on their way to being a nuclear power. Normally, a couple days before St. Patrick's Day I would run to the store and pick up some vacuum packed corned beef and pop it in my fridge until it is time to throw it into a giant pot of water with some cabbage and potatoes. Voila! One of the easiest meals to make, ever! Well, not so much this year. My husband decided that it would be wonderful if we corned our own beef. Yeah! I jumped for joy I was so excited! First I had to go out and buy 12 lbs of beef and various spices needed to corn said beef. The thrill has worn off at this point. I went to the local grocery store to pick up the meat (massive amounts) and nearly keeled over from the cost. Ouch. Hurt like a corkscrew in my thumb. I think I pulled my arm out of the socket lugging all that cow to the register and all the while praying I didn't run into a vegetarian, like I would know one if I saw one. Actually, I probably would. They would be the ones with all the freakin rabbit food and tofu in their basket, which by the way weighs a lot less than what I'm carrying, but none the less, their pencil thin legs are buckling because they don't eat anything of substance, except maybe garbanzo beans but you still don't need a steak knife to eat those. Can pop them right in your mouth like M&M's. I, once again digress and I just want to be clear, I have the deepest respect for people who choose not to eat things with faces....I think if I were ever on a plane that crashed into the alps and I was one of the unlucky ones, I'd be extremely grateful for them. Sincerely.

Anyway, before purchasing the meat I had to run and gather spices for Chai Tea. More fun for me! Yeah! My husband wanted to make his own Chai instead of just boiling some water and sticking a Chai teabag into the steaming water. Of course he does. Because sticking a tea bag in a cup of water is just too easy. I just want to throttle him, all the while yelling JUST USE THE DAMN TEABAGS SWEET JESUS! So now, he smashes his spices using our mortar & pestle, which we've never used until now, boils the spices in a small pot and then adds the Indian black tea to steep. He strains the mixture and adds milk which he brings to a boil with the tea...all of this takes about 20 minutes. I've done the math and it just doesn't work for me. I could be working on world peace with this valuable time. Give me the tea bag any day and give me already prepared vacuum packed corned beef.

Back to the beef. So it's all seasoned with lots, and lots of kosher salt and other seasoning, curing in super large heavy duty zip lock bags AND it needs to be massaged every day, per Julia. Yes, "the Julia". She's nuts, or was nuts. May she rest in pesto. Gotta love her though with her ginormous man hands. Good for rubbing seasoning on beef. I ask my husband daily if he's fondled the beef yet? He shakes his head and walks away from me. It is suppose to "cure" for at least 2 weeks, but you can go longer if you feel daring. God I love living on the edge! I'm just hoping after all this trouble it is edible....It would absolutely suck if it wasn't. That's probably how we would have to eat it - suck on it until it is chewable. Fifty-Five dollars in beef, and about $10 in spices down the toilet. We're in a recession right?

I'll let you all know how it goes....that's assuming me and my guests aren't in the hospital having our stomach's pumped. It will go down in infamy as the Great Corned Beef Debacle....

Until then....... Pog mo thoin.